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...To be honest, I wasn't sure you'd want to.

[Setting about making green tea.]

[ Of course he wouldn't be, she let her messed up head drive the train ]

I figured you'd think that. At the end, that was about someone in my past, something I just found out about. I just got to feeling guilty about them, and I let it get in my head, even though it's a different situation entirely. I'm sure it was very clear that up until then, everything was fine. Better than fine.

And I wanted to try it again sometime, if you want to.

[He's occupied for the moment at least, setting up the kettle as she speaks. He doesn't turn to face her again even once it's warming however.]

There aren't others you would prefer?

[ Even having expected the question, it still makes her sad. But it's all right, she'll work on it. ]

[ Softly: ] No one else has ever made me feel like that.

[ Which is certainly true, at least as far as she's remembered. The closest she's come is her Chevaliers, and, as she said, it's a different situation; when you remove someone's free will, having them devoted to your happiness doesn't mean the same thing. And while there are plenty of people here who she has abundant affection for and would play at this if she asked, she would never -- human love is a different matter entirely. ]

[He can't help but look over her way, curious.]

No?

No. And you can be sure I'm telling the truth, when I'm hiding something my hair changes colors. [ Corruptions are a pain, especially this one, but at least in this case it helps make her point. ]

Is that so?

[Not exactly the proof he was expecting, but...]

Can I ask why?

Because this place likes to torment people, and broadcasting my feelings to the world is pretty harsh? They get points for originality, however.

[ She knows that might not be what he was asking about, but she needed a second on the other matter. Also getting him to crack a smile would be nice. ]

That's not what I mean.

I thought not, but it's not easy to understand, let alone explain.

[ Which isn't to say she won't try, just that making sense of this hasn't happened yet. ]

With me, my kind, there's feelings and there's instinct. The emotions are similar to human feelings, probably you felt those. Instinct is -- deeper. I can't always put them into words very well, but one of them is the urge to be violent, my predator side. That's where the blood drinking and biting and fighting come from. I guess some humans have something like this, because people understand it pretty well.

Another one is to... dominate, I guess is closest. It's like wanting love and acceptance, but not as equals. For them to be devoted. [ She doesn't look entirely comfortable with this, because she isn't. ] Where I'm from I can change people with my blood and it accomplishes that, but it also means they have no choice in the matter. I don't have that ability here, and I wouldn't ever use it if I did because I don't agree with taking away people's free will, but part of me still craves it all the same.

Not surprisingly, no one understands that or accepts it, and the few times that I've even tried explaining, it went... [ not well, needless to say. ] I don't blame anyone for that, of course.

So the feelings you were having, and without me needing to mess with your head to do it... [ hopefully he gets it? ] It's not something that just anyone fits into, you know?

A willing servant, basically.

[A little wryly, but more directed towards himself.]

It's difficult to hide a preference like that under those circumstances.

You shouldn't have to. [ She is absolutely no one to judge, even if it wasn't extremely appealing to her specifically. ]

...You haven't said whether you'd want to try it again. Or not. [ Just because someone has preferences doesn't mean they care to indulge them, especially when they're thinking about it in the cold light of proverbial day, which is exactly why she's choosing to ask now. ]

...

Would that make you happy?

[ she'll take Things Everyone Saw Coming for $500 ]

Yes. But only if it's mutually beneficial, otherwise I'm just taking advantage. And I couldn't live with that. [ Consent is the difference between whatever thing they're potentially, clumsily negotiating and actual abuse, after all ]

I don't know about mutually beneficial. But like I said, I like making others happy.

If it would please you, I'd be happy to serve you... within reason, of course.

[ That response gives her pause. A lot of pause. Did she just invent that he was enjoying the process of her biting him and hurting him, that he encouraged her and outright asked her to keep doing it? Is it some trick of her memory that he was disappointed when she suddenly stopped, because she's that selfish and determined to slot someone into this need she has? If she's about to hurt and subjugate someone based on her own wishful thinking, that would be -- unforgivable. Exactly like the monster she fears she is. ]

[ However -- thanks to the emotion sharing effect, she remembers, or thinks she does, that while she was biting him was the only time he felt anything but the same even, sanguine acceptance. Maybe it's that he can't let himself admit that those feelings happened, or can't process them now? Maybe he wouldn't or couldn't accept that side of himself unless they try the same thing again? Or, maybe her mind is playing convenient tricks on her with that, too. It would be so easy to justify herself here, too easy. She asked, he said yes; her human side mollified just enough to let the beast take what it wants, fangs first. ]

[ Until he adds those last few words, Aliza was preparing to entirely backpedal out of this discussion and go get her head examined instead. (Where and how would she even do that? She'll look into it.) But, Causality placing some restrictions on her, however generalized, is actually encouraging. Maybe, hopefully, he'd say no if it came to that. It'll be a matter of being careful on her end, which isn't admittedly something she's great at when her instincts are involved. But she will. ]

Within reason, yes. Thank you. But... you do realize that I'd still want to be your friend if you say no? Or if you change your mind?

[ She just needs that out there, even if it's not something he can process (being that he seems to continually question whether she actually wants that or whether he deserves it or both, but in fairness she's questioning her own motives now too so a fine pair they make). ]

[There's a pause on his end that indicates that had not necessarily occurred to him.]

That was... still something you wanted, too?

Of course. I'm all sorts of demanding.

[ He's going to have to let her care about him -- but she won't bother saying that, it wouldn't make a difference, and why should he believe her at this point? ]

[Huh. How about that.]

Well... knowing that, my answer doesn't change.

All right. If it ever does, or if I ever do anything you don't like, please tell me. I'm bad at guessing what people are thinking. [ To say the absolute least. And this is too important for her to mess up. ]

Not likely, but I'll keep it in mind.

[Fetching the tea bags and mugs and, as the kettle reaches boiling point, begins pouring.]

Does that mean you'll let me give you the points to fix your neck up? It wouldn't be easy to put notes on right now. [ So close to saying 'it would make me happy if you let me' but she wouldn't feel right using the cheat code for everything. ]

You won't continue leaving your mark?

It might get bothersome to you after a while. And if you walk around like that, people will know what it's from. I don't mind if you want to tell people whatever you like, but I hate to think of taking the choice away from you.

So if you want them removed every time, I'll budget for it. [ She has all her unit abilities, it's fine. ]

...Would you prefer them removed?

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