All right. [ She can't exactly hide this now, so. ] But you should probably roll off me first. And grab a blanket or something, I'm not lacing that corset back up until I have to. [ Which might make things awkward if he tells her to get her mass murdering self out of his dorm, but hey. ]
[ Luckily she can reach her skirt from the bed, so she rifles through the back seam pocket Victorian trickery! for her phone. ]
All right, thank you. [ She grabs the phone and manages to get her lower half under the blanket gracefully enough, but she turns onto her stomach to fiddle with her phone and she's not modest besides, so probably it's to avoid distracting him more than anything. ]
Here. [ She hands him her phone, its sweet sprite!Venti charm contrasting sharply with the massacre playing on the screen. Aliza rests her chin on her folded arms and doesn't watch, listening to this is bad enough, but she does thumb away the occasional tear before it can fall. ]
[He watches the video, expression... about the same as usual, giving nothing away. Although partway through he glances up at her movements, reaching over to cup her face, gentle, as he flicks away one of the tears himself.]
[ Her expression does flicker into a sad smile when he touches her, but she can't look at him, not yet. She knows how this goes by now, she waits until the horror show is over and awaits judgment -- and the judgment has not always been nice to hear, nor does she think it should be. ]
I wish I knew. I didn't have thoughts, just raw instinct. I have memories before it and after when I have my faculties, such as they are, and I'm not doing anything like that. So I can't answer that, yet.
But the same thing happened during a game, so. [ It could easily happen again. ] I've asked some friends to take care of me if that happens -- to kill me, I mean, and not bring me back until they figure out how to stop it.
I slaughtered an entire village of unarmed people including little children along with the squad of soldiers trying to protect them. Whyever it happened, there's no possible excuse for it. That's not a nice thing to know about myself.
...And I hate when people find out. Being rejected because someone's scared of me sucks, even if I deserve it. I just also hate hiding it because what I've done is bad enough, I can't also lie about it. The people I killed deserve at least for people to know what happened, maybe mourn them in some small way.
And are you afraid of me? [ It would be fair, but this more than anything is what scares her about showing people. Rather than just looking straight ahead but not directly at him, she actively turns her face away. ]
[ She can't help it, she laughs. Never has an answer been so thoroughly specific and yet so utterly useless as an answer to a very serious and vulnerable question. ]
[ So she sniffles and turns back toward him, wiping at her face. ]
You get points for making me laugh, at least. No one else managed that.
What? Really? [ She is nothing but confused. Most of her life is spent either endeavoring not to cry or trying to stop crying because other people are uncomfortable. ]
Yeah, a little. It makes a lot of people pretty uncomfortable. [ Especially since she sucks at accepting comfort about stuff that's her own fault, which is everything. ]
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Re: Day 460, evening
Re: Day 460, evening
[ Luckily she can reach her skirt from the bed, so she rifles through the back seam pocket
Victorian trickery!for her phone. ]Re: Day 460, evening
The only blanket is the one on the bed, I'm afraid. But you're free to take it.
Re: Day 460, evening
Here. [ She hands him her phone, its sweet sprite!Venti charm contrasting sharply with the massacre playing on the screen. Aliza rests her chin on her folded arms and doesn't watch, listening to this is bad enough, but she does thumb away the occasional tear before it can fall. ]
Re: Day 460, evening
Re: Day 460, evening
Re: Day 460, evening
May I ask why you did that?
Re: Day 460, evening
But the same thing happened during a game, so. [ It could easily happen again. ] I've asked some friends to take care of me if that happens -- to kill me, I mean, and not bring me back until they figure out how to stop it.
Re: Day 460, evening
Re: Day 460, evening
...And I hate when people find out. Being rejected because someone's scared of me sucks, even if I deserve it. I just also hate hiding it because what I've done is bad enough, I can't also lie about it. The people I killed deserve at least for people to know what happened, maybe mourn them in some small way.
Re: Day 460, evening
Am I supposed to hate the person who cares enough to regret it?
Re: Day 460, evening
I don't want you to hate me, but if you did that wouldn't be out of the question. You wouldn't be the only one.
Re: Day 460, evening
I'm not sure how to feel after seeing that. But... at the very least, I don't hate, or even dislike you for it.
[If anything, that may speak more to his odd emotional state in general.]
Re: Day 460, evening
Re: Day 460, evening
Re: Day 460, evening
[ So she sniffles and turns back toward him, wiping at her face. ]
You get points for making me laugh, at least. No one else managed that.
Re: Day 460, evening
[He's garbage, Aliza!!]
Re: Day 460, evening
Relax, I'm not upset. You did fine, and thank you for being honest.
You're also the first one to have this conversation with me without my clothes on, by the way.
Re: Day 460, evening
Re: Day 460, evening
That's your call, I'm not the one who has to look at me.
-- But really, I was trying to lighten the mood so I don't keep crying. [ Sex is worth changing the sheets over, crying absolutely not. ]
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Re: Day 460, evening
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Re: Day 460, evening
okay here's the real tag I guess
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